interest for interest's sake

I'm really bored at home today, just reading, eating and surfing the net. And to add injury to insult, my uni friends are probably all frolicking down the streets of Hong Kong at this moment, feasting and shopping! )):

Anw, a sad thought occured to me today and that is, "I AM SO BORING". I haven't bothered to engage myself in a new activity of sorts for ages. I also can't think of any interest that I want to pursue, nor can I conjure up a hobby that I want to pick up /: It scares me that I'm so.. regular, drifitng along with time, doing what is expected. I never pushed myself to try sth different- preferring the comfort of familiarity. I no longer step out to try and experience a new experience. I feel like I'm becoming more and more timid, guarded - afraid of change, afraid of failure, afraid of being alone, afraid of everything. Like a predictable human being-machine, I'm going to study in my university, compete for decent grades, graduate, get a job, probably get married, slog slog slog for the rest of my life and then die.

I need to change. I think in more ways than one, the culture of my family is changing me and my Mom's frequent well-meaning paranoia has in a way made me more responsible but also more risk and danger adverse. I was thinking today that going for Exchange will be a good time for me to be independent for once. Although the thought of leaving Singapore for five months is daunting- it spells no family, no chankeet and maybe even no (real) friends- I'm quite determined to go. I need to grow up, learn to feel more secure about myself, weigh and make my own decisions. I need to learn to take care of myself and not depend on others to look out for me anymore!

Now I just have to hope that I'll get in! (: