you got me hypnotized, so mesmerized

Warning! This is an extremely angsty and emo post.

Today I reached home at eleven twenty and it triggered off a scolding/nagging from my parents again. Here I am, worse than Cinderella, who at the very least has til midnight to rush home in her carriage. I can understand where my parents are coming from, that coming home late is pretty dangerous since my district is quiet and that I should get home for adequate rest.. But god knows the number of times I stay out late is super minimal. Sometimes I just feel really suppressed. Though I know its for my own good and all, I feel that I'm two years old and not twenty.

Sometimes its so tiring to be good for everyone, to live up to everyone's expectations, including mine. I want to be the best daughter to my parents, one they can be proud of, a good friend to my friends, a good girlfriend to my cat, a good sister to my siblings and of course a good student for myself. Meeting the expectations gets harder when its relative to another, especially in the case of my parents.

I know compared to my sister, I'm the more extroverted one and I enjoy time out with my friends. My sis seldom hangs out with her friends out of school but mostly sees them in school as great company so I'm the weird child here who likes to spend some time outside and behave like a normal teenager. I mean, I know I shld maybe strike a better balance in the use of my time but my mom just doesn't see that my personality is different from my sister and it is really tiring for me to always try to conform to what she thinks I should be. I think I've been a pretty good girl other than being a tad bit messy at home. I hardly stay out later than 11, I do housework (minimal ya but still got), I haven't clubbed before (pretty much by choice), I am not rude to them and I don't take allowance from them either cus I can support myself. Doesn't it show that I can differenciate right from wrong and I am mature and sensible enough to choose the lifestyle I want to lead? Hanging out with friends after school doesn't make me the bad girl does it? Coming back home at 11 plus once in a while doesn't make me the wild and horribly playful girl that they make me out to be right? But it does somehow, probably relative. Why must they keep comparing these aspects with my sister? We're two different people, two separate entities, and two whole personalities.

Its just suffocating and a bit sad too. My flaws are ultra magnified to them but my strengths mean nth to them in their way of thinking. They always ask me not to compare with my friends abt their freedom but here they are, constantly comparing mine and my sis's behavior. Nonetheless, I'm determined to do two things. 1) I will make a conscious effort to sit in the living room to chat with them at least reasonably long before I retire to my room and 2) I will keep my things neater.

Number 2 takes me more effort that you guys can ever imagine /:

-

Emo over! I screwed Management Science really badly but I had a really good day today with my friends and ck! (: We went for dinner and then to the IT show at suntec. After that, the rest left for Zouk while ck and I caught a few musical performances at the Esplanade. Which explains why I got home later than usual today.